At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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