I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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