Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
God, I missed his penis.
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