i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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