There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Randomize
