i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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