the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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