yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Just high enough for therapy.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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