your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
