i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
What a dumb baby whore.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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