You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
