you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
