i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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