mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize