How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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