so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
