you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
