so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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