While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
