he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
