if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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