shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
