well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
