so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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