hotel room ftw
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Randomize
