It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
