How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
