in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
