I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
