Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
