this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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