Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
