Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
