Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
