All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
