Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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