I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
