I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
