operation have a gay friend backfired
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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