I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
