Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
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