Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Randomize