Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
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