Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
