dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
