Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
