I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
