I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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