I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
