I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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