Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Randomize
