glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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