Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize