your room smells of hookers.
And success
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
