arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Randomize
