that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
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