Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
