just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Lo siento on account of my penis...
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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