I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
