i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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