Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
