"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize