just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Are my feet made of real feet?
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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