I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
