dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Don't tell me you're on acid again
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
