you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
