I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
worst night to have a conscience
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
