going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
