I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
