Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
