this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
