Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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