Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
