You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
