Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
