your thong is hanging out like whoa
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
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