I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
a search helicopter?!
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Randomize
