I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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