my mouth tastes like poor choices
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
