moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
