marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
We got so high we made milksteak
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Randomize
