I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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