Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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