would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Randomize
