hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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